Where do I want to be?

Where do I want to be? Today's Daily On asks:

This course invites you to embark on an adventure of discovery as you gently unwind and shed the layers of your tangled self.

You know which self I'm talking about: that overwhelmed, sometimes grumpy, and fragmented self that has lost the ability to live fully and think big; the self that is fully padded with all kinds of protections (and stuff) to ward off the calamities which "are certain to come at any moment"; the self that feels like there is a simpler way, but can't seem to figure out where it is and how to cultivate it. Yes, these are the layers that will be melting away.

Take a few moments today to reflect on your goals for this course using the prompts below. Use the time, too, to release any apprehensions, worries, and reflect on what it would mean to feel more spacious in your home and life.

• How I hope to feel as a result of clearing what no longer serves and supports me is______

It's true that I do seek "a simpler way," but I think I have been seeking it forever. Or it seems that way. Now I guess I see the clutter as stopping me from doing what I thought I always wanted to do: paint, sew, create! So why am I still no doing that?

• What I hope to let go of is______

First I need to let go of my desperate need to understand Marina and her choice to keep me from seeing the girls. I will never understand it and she seems determined not to explain it to me. This means I must first "let go" of everything that has ever mattered to me! How does one do that? I have started with the "stuff" of our lives -- the furniture, the decorations, the memorabilia. I hope the girls will understand some day why there are so few reminders of them in the house and in my remaining possessions. It's not because I don't love them anymore but because I do love them and can't face the pain any longer. My life has to go on.

• What I hope to attract is______

I suppose what I want to attract is a sense of normalcy, of peace, of perhaps a little joy in life again. To not break down into tears with complete strangers everytime I think of what I have lost? Love and romance are not even in the shadows of my mind. That used to be important but no longer.

Perhaps decluttering will force me to slow down the wind-up toy and allow me to find peace of mind? It's all I can hope for now.